Homemade Laundry Detergent

I am on a mission to make my home more green in attempt to a) provide a healthier lifestyle for my family, and b) to save money! Some of the ways I am doing this is using cloth "unpaper" towels instead of paper towls, cloth diapering, using natural cleaners like vinegar, lemon juice, various essential oils, and other natural cleaning agents instead of harsh chemicals, and I have been making my own laundry detergent.

I was nervous about making my own detergent for a couple of reasons. I was tired of ordering my cloth diaper detergent online because it never failed, I would get myself into a situation where I was down to very little or no detergent with diaper laundry needing to be done and waiting on my shipment. It also seemed pricey to me to be buying laundry detergent for diapers and a seperate one for regular laundry. I know many people used the same name brand diaper detergent on their regular laundry, but I always seemed to hoard it for strictly cloth diaper use. I was scared to branch out and make my own because I was scared of causing buildup and subsequent repelling issued in the diapers, and I was worried that they would not get the diapers completely cleen. After hours upon hours of researching various recipes, I settled on an easy one and I have not turned back since.




Recipe:
2 Cups Washing Soda (not baking soda - WASHING soda)
2 Cups Borax
2 Cups Oxy Cleaner

Mix all ingredients into your container very well. Shake it around to make sure everything is all mixed up. I repurposed a container that held dishwasher tablets to hold the detergent and it works great. The first time I used a generic Oxy cleaner from Kroger in order to save money, but I have since splurged on the brand name Oxy Clean Free and I have been using that instead. I have never had buildup or repelling issues, and my laundry comes out fresh and clean every single time! YAY!

What? Free Time?

Ahhhh......Christina Marie is taking some quiet time/nap time in her room. I just finished picking up downstairs and now I can't believe this, but I actually have some free time! This almost never happens and I intend to take full advantage of it today.

Life is......WONDERFUL! The sun is shining bright these days and I am so happy and content with where things are going. I am keeping busy sewing for Cotton Cheeks, working out at the Y, and of course being mommy to my gorgeous angel, and wife to my amazing husband.

Christina is growing like a weed! I find myself trying to memorize every moment with her. It's incredible how fast time flies when you have a child and I don't want to forget anything. It's crazy how she can be so much like her daddy one minute, and then a little version of me the next. Her favorite past times these days are playing with her dogs, playing on her Leap Frog laptop, running around in her birthday suit, speaking baby babble, parks, playing in the water hose and sprinkler, chasing cats, pointing out air planes, and playing in her new play house her Daddy got her.

Love Lives Here Entry

I know I have not kept up with this blog. I had all good intentions when I started and I figured that since I was going to be SAHM I would have all the time in the world to keep this thing updated. I had all these visions of having a record of Christina Marie's daily activities, firsts, funnies, not so funnies, the works. Needless to say, I have not kept up with this thing. Heck, most days I'm doing good to run a brush through my hair and put some make up on. Man oh man the life of a SAHM is certainly NOT uneventful, that's for sure.

So what brings me back to the blogging world? I am entering in for a chance to win a Zookies cloth diaper cover. Christina is a cloth baby - has been since she was a newborn, and I must say it is one of the best decisions Sam and I have made for her. Not only is cloth a heathier, more affordable option, but it's just so darn cute! There are so many options for cloth diapering - pockets, all in ones (AIO), fitteds, all in twos (AI2), and of course flats or prefolds with covers.

When Christina was a newborn, we stuck with prefolds and covers. It was an economical way for us to start CDing and allowed us to build or stash with more expensive options over time. Prefolds were perfect for containing mommy milk poo, and I could always get the perfect fit on her. As she became more mobile, I branched out into other options. Pockets and fitteds quickly became my favorites, and the prefolds got pushed aside. I actually never sized up in prefolds, but I picked up some preloved ones at a local consignment shop in Old Katy, The Children's Carousel, and I have once again found the prefold love. I am able to use the AI2 shells I have been making as covers for these prefolds and her fitteds (also mommy made), and I have two other PUL covers, but I would love love love to try the Zookies covers! The prints are adorable, plus they snap, which is always a plus for little ones who like to take off hook and loop dypes. The fact that Hillary from Love Lives Here gave such a wonderful review of the product makes me so excited to have the opportunity to try it out on Christina Marie. So, here's to crossing my fingers that we win!

One Year Ago Today

I can't believe that one year ago today I found out that my life would never be the same. One year ago today I found out I was going to be a mommy. It's amazing how fast the time has gone. My baby girl is five months old now and I as hard as I try, I just can not imagine my life without her in it.

I remember a conversation I had with a co-worker when I was pregnant about the fear I had of losing my identity by becoming a mother. At the time I felt that who I was then was who I wanted to be, and I was terrified of someone changing that. Looking back now, I see that I was really just scared of the new role I would be taking on, and understandably so. Five months later, I have settled into my new role as a mother and I see that I have changed in more ways than I can count, and I couldn't be happier. I truly feel that being a mother has made me a better person. Here I have this perfect, pure, and completely innocent little person counting on me to be the best person I can be so that I can raise her in the best possible way. Christina makes me want to be a better person, and I am so thankful to her for that. When I think about who I am, I am a mother first and foremost, a wife, a daughter, a sister. I embrace my new identity and I see now that this is the best thing that could have ever happened to me.

I am so amazed at how my little girl has opened my eyes to a love I never imagined existed. I truly believe that a person has no idea what true love is until they first lay eyes on their child. I had a conversation with my mom and sister not long ago about this very thing. My mom asked me to describe the love I have for Christina, and I told her that when I tell Christina how much I love her, I always tell her: "My love for you is higher than the highest mountain, deeper than the depths of the ocean, more than the sand in the Sahara." I told her that even that doesn't come close to describing how I love her. Just thinking about how much I love her I started to cry and I just said "It's just too much." There are no words to even begin to describe the love a mother has for her child, and there is no way you could even begin to explain the feeling to someone unless they have experienced it themselves. I look at her and she takes my breath away. My heart skips a beat when I see her smile. There is something special about my baby girl. I know every mother feels that way, but there is something really special about Christina. She is such a kind soul and I just have a feeling about her.

Sam and I have discussed the possibilty of trying for another baby in the near future. We go back and forth and only time will tell. I would love to give Christina a baby brother or sister, but she is a miracle and I almost feel gready by wanting another baby. Sam feels like we dodged a bullet and he is scared that if we have another baby, that we might not be so lucky. I think at the end of the day, at this point in time, I am content with where we are now. If Christina is my one and only then I am fine with that and I am so grateful for her.

Another New Year

Well, here we are in 2010! Last year flew by so quickly that it seems like a blur. We brought in the new year pretty low key, but then that's how we always bring in the new year. Christy and her family came over to cook out fajitas and pop firecrackers. The baby was asleep before they got here, but woke up when the fireworks started going off. I was happy to see that she was amazed by the fireworks, but then it all went wrong for her. Poor baby Christina became terrified by them. There was no calming her down, and she just didn't seem to want anything to do with me. It hurt my feelings when Sam came in and took over and she just seemed to burrow into him. It's so funny how if she has a choice between the two of us, the girl will choose her daddy every time. Sam ended up having to lay down with her to keep her calm. He said that every time a firework would go off she would shake and burrow in as far as she could into him. After Christy and her family left, I went upstairs to find the two of them all nestled in the bed. It was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen - one that I will never forget. My entire world was right there sleeping on my bed. In the end, Sam brought in the new year with our angel and I brought in the new year with my Medela pump sucking the hell out of my breasts. Nice.

I woke up this morning to my darling hubby bringing me a nice tall cup of coffee. How on earth did I ever get so lucky? I couldn't believe it when he told me it was 9:45! I haven't slept that late since before Christina was born!

Christina seems to be going through a growth spurt these days. She's eating more often and her sleeping patterns are out of whack. She has been staring at Sam and I when we eat and smacks her lips the entire time. It's really one of the cutest things I have ever seen. After going back and forth, I finally decided that she could bring in the new year with her first taste of oatmeal. My initial plan was to avoid introducing any type of solids for her first year and only give breast milk during that time. Lately though I am seeing that the girl needs more than just breast milk, so I started entertaining the idea of solids. I wanted to start her on avacados since they are loaded with good healthy fats, plus they are smooshy anyway, but her pediatritian's website says to hold off on veggies until about six months. They recommeded rice cereal, but I decided to go with oatmeal. We fed her with a spoon this morning and she seemed to really enjoy it. I'll have to play around with the consistency of the oatmeal a little bit, but we'll get it down. It was adorabel to hear her slerp it up from the spoon. Absolutely precious! I can't believe my little girl is already four months! Where on earth does the time go?

I never make new year's resolutions because I think they are silly anyway, however, my one and only resolution is to be the absolute best mother to this little miracle of mine. She deserves only the very best, and while I'm not the very best by any stretch of the imagination, I love her with my entire heart and soul and I think that's a good start. It's amazing to me how I hoped and prayed for her for eight long years. Every new year that would come was another year that I didn't have the baby I dreamed of, and each year I would hope that it would be the year that she would come. Here I am now with my miracle sleeping soundly in the next room and it's even better than I ever imagined.

Over The River And Through The Woods To Grandmother's House We Go

The plan for today is to take Christina to Conroe to visit Grandma and Grandpa. They are going to be putting out their Christmas decorations today and I thought it would be nice for them to enjoy time with Christina too, since she is the one who is bringing the magic of Christmas back. There's something about children and Christmas that makes it extra special. I know she's not aware of what's going on this year, but we are and we are so excited!

We took Christina to see Santa at Katy Mills Mall a few weeks ago. I kept going back and forth about taking her because I was freaked out about all the kids that would be there and of Santa himself. To be more specific, I wasn't freaked about by the kids and Santa, I was freaked out about all the germs everyone is carrying. I read somewhere that H1N1 lives on surfaces (Santa's beard) for up to eight hours. Sam had the day off when we went, and our strategy was to be the first in line so she wouldn't have to be in line with a lot of people. We got there and there was only one person in front of us so it worked out nicely. We got great pictures of our precious girl, and Sam and I were so excited.

Thanksgiving was spent at my parent's house and we had a nice time. My dad worked on Thanksgiving day, so we had our meal at dinner time which was different for us. We took Christina's bumbo with us and put it on a chair at the table so she could hang out with us.

Surprising enough, it snowed here on Friday! More like sleet really, but there were good snow flurries coming down. The ground was not cold enough for it to stick of course, but it was beautiful to watch anyway. It reminded Sam and I of Colorado so of course now we have the itch to go back. We moved back to Texas with the intention of one day going back to Colorado, but he got his job with Chevron here after he got out of college, then I graduated and got a job here, so we stayed. Now of course we have Christina and I just can't stand the thought of taking her far from my family. Everything changes when you have a family and I'm ok with that. It's not about just us and what we want, but I wouldn't have it any other way.

The excitement of the snow really got Sam into the Christmas spirit, so we got our tree and set it up. We had initially planned to set it up on my birthday, but it was just the right time so we did it. Of course, it's beautiful!

Christina and I have joined a playgroup through meetup.com and we will be having our first meetup tomorrow at the zoo. The weather is supposed to be nice and we are really looking forward to meeting everyone and making new friends. Christina is of course too young to know what's going on, but I'm looking forward to the adult interaction. There are two other babies around Christina's age so that will be nice for her to have little ones to play with. It's a brand new group so I'm glad I don't have to worry about trying to fit in to an established group.

Pictures to come tonight after Miss Christina is in bed.

A Whole New World

I can't believe it has almost been two months since I have updated this! Time really does fly when you're having fun!

Here are a few things we have been busy with:

Napping

Giving cuddles

Learning how to carve pumpkins from mommy (the expert)

Being a pumpkin

Learning how to carve pumpkins with great precision like daddy


Having a garage sale and hanging out with my Godmother

Posing for pictures at the garage sale with mommy

Going out to eat with Grandma

Cheering for the Iowa Hawkeyes

Some of Christina's hobbies include singing to and cooing at ceiling fans, learning how to push up, working on holding her head up (she is not a huge fan of tummy time), and sucking on her fists. She is weighing in at 11 pounds 2 ounces as of her 2 month appointment last week and she is just moving right along. It's amazing how she is developing her own little personality, and she amazes me every day with how beautiful she is. Her smile is contagious and I just love being home with her. There is no way I would want to miss a thing when it comes to my baby girl, and being her mother is by far more rewarding than anything I have ever done in my life.

What a Fun Day!

Today was Sam's Friday off, so we packed up our little family and did a little running around. It was so nice to get out in the beautiful weather, but my energy level was pretty low still. Sam took us up to his school to show us the campus and to take care of a few things. We drove through and then Christina and I waited in the car since she was napping so peacefully. We decided to head on to the mall on the way back so off we go. It's so funny how much has changed in a few very short weeks! We used to just park the car and off we went into the mall, but this time we parked the car, I climbed into the backseat to feed and change her, Sam got out the stroller and finally, after about 30 minutes we were ready to head into the mall. We had a little surprise as I was changing Miss Chris when her umbelical stump came off. It shocked me when I saw it on her onsie, but I guess it was time.

We went into the mall and checked out some prices on having her pictures done and then she started to get a little fussy. We walked around a little more, but decided it was time to go. I really think that all of the noise and action going around her was just too much just yet. She usually falls asleep in the car, but she was in and out of sleep all the way home. We got home and I tried to comfort her in the quiet of her nursery, but she was having a really hard time calming down. After about an hour she finally settled in for a nap and she has been sleeping since. My poor girl. Oh, poor mommy and daddy tonight! I have a feeling she'll be up quite a bit.

We are looking forward to her Baptism class on Sunday. Her godparents and grandparents will be here early Sunday for brunch and then grandma and grandpa will babysit her while we go on to the class for a few hours. I feel so bad leaving her, but she will be with her grandparents, and there is no one I trust more to take care of her. Plus, I didn't want to use the Church nursery and put her around a bunch of other kiddos and some random sitter just yet.

All in all, this is shaping up to be quite a nice weekend with my new little family. :)

Christina Marie Hill's Birth Story

We went to the hospital at 6:30 am Aug. 31 for the induction. Everything went very smoothly - we were brought back immediately, met the nurse, and got all set up. By about 7:00 am, the pitocin was started and things were going ok. My contractions picked up some, but it was the intensity that really picked up with the pitocin. I went in dilated to 4 cm, and progressed a little with the pitocin. I went ahead and opted to take the stadol to take the edge off the pain, and it helped. It's very strange because you are completely coherant, and you feel the pain, but it's not to the level that you feel it without the medication. It also allowed me to rest better in between contractions. Dr. Rockman came in at 8:30am and broke my water. OMG that was an interesting feeling. Not painful at all, just strange. The contractions came on with a vengance once my water was broken. It seemed like just as I was getting over one contraction another would start. I always wondered how I would know that I was in full blown active labor, but now I understand what people have been telling me. YOU KNOW! I decided to go ahead and get the epidural at that point because the pain was so intense. I take tylenol for a headache, so I would be damned if I would go through labor without some form of pain relief. The anesthesiologist came in with her tray of goodies and wouldn't you know that as she was putting in the epidural, I was getting contractions. It's pretty hard to sit perfectly still and push your back out when you are in the middle of one of those bad boys! She tried the first time and I don't know if I moved or what, but it didn't go where it was supposed to, so she had to try a second time. Thank goodness it worked and my labor was smooth sailing from there. I couldn't feel my legs at all. Someone could have been poking me with a needle and I wouldn't have felt again. I really feel like the epidural is a God send!

Unfortunately, things changed during the course of it all. Christina's heart rate was dropping significantly, which obviously is not good. After moving me into several positions, the decision was made to get her out for her own safety. I wanted to beg Dr. Rockman to give me a little longer to try to progress more, but it became very clear that a c-section was in her best interest. Things went very quickly once the decision was made. My dad was comforting me because I was so terrified. I couldn't stop crying because of all the things that were running through my mind. I keep thinking about the look on my dad's face as he immediately came to my side and took my hand. I will always be thankful that my dad was there at that point in time. I have never needed him like I did at that point.

Before I knew it, Sam was dressed in blue scrubs (sorry about the sideways picture) and the nurse was getting hers on. The anesthesiologist came back to my room and I kept asking if they were both going to be there. It's amazing how you build a relationship with your nurse when you are having a baby. They both kept telling me that they would be right there the whole time. I was wheeled to OR 1. I'll never forget laying back in that bed as I was being wheeled back. All I could see was the lights in the ceiling. I was pushed through double doors to the OR and wheeled into a big room with bright lights. By this point I was shaking all over uncontrollably. No matter how hard I concentrated, I could not get myself to stop so I just gave in to the shaking. I heard voices all around me and then a chipper "Hi Maria, it's Dr. Rockman". I felt so good knowing that he was there and I knew that my baby and I were in good hands. They asked Sam to leave while they got me prepared and I remember just praying harder than I have ever prayed. I prayed that if something went wrong, that my baby girl would be ok and I remember promising God that I would never ask for anything else again. I know, I know.......so wrong to bargan with God, but at the time it's all I could think of. Before too long, Sam was by my side again. It was the most amazing experience we have ever shared. It really seemed like time stood still and even though I could hear and smell everything going on, it seemed like he was the only one in the room with me. We stared at eachother the whole time and he kept telling me how much he loved me. He thanked me over and over and I remember just smiling and feeling so safe. I would start to look away and he would tell me to keep focusing on him. After what seemed like an eternity, Dr. Rockman told me I would feel some pressure, and boy he was not kidding! I remember saying "oh oh oh oh!" and then the most amazing sound I have ever heard - my daughter screaming and crying. Sam was beside himself! He kept kissing me and I could tell it took everything in him to sit still until they called him over. They told him to only look forward and not to look at me. I could hear him as he took his first look at his brand new baby girl. He kept saying "oh my God!" over and over again. He brought her over to me and she took my breath away. Never in my life have I seen such a beautiful baby. My husband introduced me to the baby I fell in love with back in February when I found out I was pregnant. Sam took the baby with the nurse to the nursery while they finished up the c-section. I remember the anesthsiologist telling me she was giving me something, come to find out it was a big ol dose of morphene and I was out like a light. I woke up a short time later in recovery with Sam next to me.

I have had my heart set on breast feeding since I found out I was pregnant, but I realized that with how fast everything went, I forgot to mention it ahead of time to the nurse. I told her what I wanted and she immediately went to get Christina. The first time I held her was amazing. I kissed her over and over and pulled her close. She immediately knew what to do and latched on like a pro and nursed for about an hour!

As it turns out, Christina was wrapped in her cord, which was preventing her from descending any farther. She was upside down like she was supposed to be, but she was face up instead of face down. The birth did not go as planned, and I'm still struggling with processing the c-section, but every day is better and better. My baby girl is here safe and sound, and I would go through it all over again to have the same outcome. I am blessed more than I deserve, and I am so happy that this very difficult pregnancy had such a happy ending!

Here are the proud Godparents, Juan and Lorena.

Tomorrow is The Day. I Promise! :)

Well, Sam and I went to see the doctor Friday morning like we were supposed to. That Monday, Dr. Rockman said to come back Friday so we could induce over the weekend. Unfortunately, the hospital we have chosen to deliver at was booked for inductions so the earliest we could get in is Monday (tomorrow) at 5:30 am. I feel so ridiculous that our dates have been all up in the air and changed as many times and it has, but I have to believe that there is a reason for it. I have come to accept the fact that I may quite possible be pregnant for the rest of my life. haha......

So, here we are - my last day of pregnancy and I have all kinds of mixed feelings about it. I am so ready to meet my precious baby girl and to begin our lives together, but I am not quite sure that I'm ready to share her with the world just yet. I love the time we have together when I feel her moving around inside of me. As difficult as this road has been, now that it is coming to an end I can't help but feel a little sad. I surely will not miss the actual physical part of being pregnant at all. I feel so blessed that we will have the baby we were always told we would never have, but the actual pregnancy has been very very difficult and I can't say that I will miss it.

My mom is coming over tonight because we have to be at the hospital at 5:30 am to begin the induction. The doctor will break my water, start pitocin and order my epidural. How in the world are we supposed to get any sleep tonight? Our lives are about to be forever changed! All I can say is bring it on. We are so ready for this. Updates to follow as soon as possible.

Tomorrow Is The Big Day!

Oh my goodness, my little one! I am so nervous and excited about tomorrow! I hope and pray that nothing changes between now and then and I will be able to see your beautiful face this weekend. Your daddy and I are so ready to have you in our arms. I'm praying for a smooth delivery for the both of us (especially you). I can't wait to see you! Mommy loves you more than you will ever know.

38 Weeks

Today is 38 weeks. I never ever thought we would make it this far, but here we are! We are still waiting on our baby girl to grace us with her presence, and it looks as if it will be sooner rather than later, although I'm trying very hard not to get my hopes up like before.

We went to the doctor Monday and I am now 3 cm dilated. Dr. Rockman talked to me again about induction. Apparently with all of the work we have put into keeping Baby Christina in, my uterus is now confused about what it is it's supposed to do. Imagine that. Not only is my uterus "irritable", but now it's confused. Who would have known? He told me to come back next Monday and we would induce Tuesday, then on my way out he told me to go ahead and come in Friday and we will induce either Friday/Saturday! I really hope I'm not getting my hopes up, but it really looks like this could be it! I'm trying to just relax these last few days, but it's hard to do since I feel like I've been trapped at home as it is.

I can't believe I'll finally be meeting my precious baby girl so soon! I can't wait to see Sam as a daddy and my parents as grandparents. She is so special to all of us and I'm so ready to start my life with her. She'll most likely never understand what a miracle she really is for this family, but I'll never take her for granted.

Sam says that he wants another baby within a year. I say he's crazy and he needs to come back down to earth. People tell me I'll change my mind, since you know, people tend to think they know me better than I know myself, but I am perfectly content with my one and only. I'm so traumatized that I'm scared that if I get pregnant again, my Christina will suffer because of it and I'm willing to do that. How do you tell a little girl that you can't take her out to play because Mommy is on bedrest? It has been hard enough this pregnancy and I don't have any little ones to take care of, but I can't imagine doing that to my girl. All of this has been an incredible learing experience - one I will never forget. I will NEVER tell another pregnant woman to "hang in there", "keep her head up", "it's all worth it". I will NEVER tell another pregnant woman that she'll change her mind about having other children in the future when she feels worse than she has ever felt. I now understand and appreciate the need of just wanting someone to just listen and not say anything or offer and advise. I understand and appreciate the need for validation and to have someone just say that they understand why I would feel that way. It takes a special person to do that, and I'm so thankful that I have a few of those people in my life. Christy's "we'll talk about that later" approach is priceless when it comes to talking about having more children. The look in my mother's eyes when she listens to me going on and on. She never has to say anything at all - she just holds me and that makes everything all better. My sister's excitement about being an aunt to this beautiful baby girl. My husband's unending love and support. Juan and Lorena's excitement about being godparents to our daughter. I am so blessed to have all of these people in my life. I have an amazing support system and I am so thankful for them.

I can't wait to post a birth announcement and pictures! Hopefully very very soon.

36 Weeks and Counting!

We are now at 36 weeks 3 days and I am a ticking time bomb. I saw the doctor this past Tuesday and he said that I am 1.5 cm dialated and 80% effaced. My last injection was last Monday and he said that I would give birth in about ten days. So close! He said that if I'm still pregnant through this week, he would start inducing Thursday/Friday. He also said that if I do go into labor before then, that he would do nothing to stop it. Well wouldn't you know that I went to labor and delivery Thursday evening thinking we were going to meet our princess and the doctor stopped my labor! WTF? He said that as long as there is a chance of keeping her in until 37 weeks, he would do it. I am completely on board with that and I appreciate what he is doing, but I just wish he had not told me he would not stop labor and then go and stop it. I'm on strict bedrest now and I'm just waiting to see what happens. My next doctor's appointment is Monday morning and I'm hoping that the contractions I've had this weekend will have caused some changes. We shall see.

Other than that, not much else to report. I have reached the end of my rope and I feel like my body has run out of fuel. I know this is all worth it and blah blah blah, but I am so ready to be through all of this and I'm so ready to be holding my precious baby. I am so disappointed because tomorrow we were going to the baptism class and now that I'm stuck on bedrest we have to wait until the next class, which I believe is sometime in September. I really wanted her to be baptised immediately. It's ok though - it will all work out.

I'm so thankful for my friends and family who have been so patient with me. I've been such a grump lately and I am so grateful to those of you who just listen to my rants and raves. I have not necessarily taken all of this as gracefully as I would have liked, but hey, it's much harder than I expected. Going through this has given me a whole new appreciation for my own mother, and for mothers who choose to go through pregnancy more than once!

Hopefully I'll be able to post a birth announcement in the next week or so!

It Has Been FOREVER!

I've been meaning to update for a while, but I never seem to get around to much these days. Tomorrow will be 35 weeks and we are quickly closing in on the time when we will hold our precious baby girl! It's funny to me how some days it feels like this pregnancy has lasted forever, but other days, like today, I can't believe how fast this has gone!

Sam and took a childbirth class Saturday and I left the class questioning EVERYTHING. I had no idea how I would make it through, or even if I would be able to. It's strange because it's obvious where babies come from and how they get here, but when you realize that you will be the one going through all of this, it's a real eye-opening realization. Something you just don't understand unless you have been there. Sam was reassured after the class because he felt that now he pretty much knew what to expect. I on the other hand needed a few days to process all of that information. Thank God for my friend Christy. I really don't know how I would have been able to compartmentalize all of that without her. She somehow knows what to say to calm me down and reassure me about all of this. I'm so incredibly blessed to have someone who convinces me that I can do this, even when I really don't believe I can.

Sam and I officially asked Christina's Godparents to be her Godparents about two weeks ago. Juan and Lorena are an awesome couple, and I can't wait for them to meet their Goddaughter in a few weeks! I always knew they would be her Godparents, but it really solidified our decision at my babyshower. Everyone was introducing themselves and when we got to Lorena she said she knew me for however long and then my cousin Vanessa said, "it must be a long time because I know you". They are so involved in our family that my extended family even knows them. My sister also made a comment that she feels like they ARE family. It only makes sense. They are more than just friends now. They are family.

As the time gets closer and closer, I'm getting more and more anxious. I'm working on packing my hospital bag and getting last minute things tied up. I need to buy just a few more things for Baby Christina, but other than that, we are completely ready. It's scary that our lives are changing forever very soon, but it's a change we are ready for. We have waited so long for this moment to arrive. I can't believe that our little miracle is almost here! I can't wait to hold her and feel her skin on mine. I can't wait to hear her little cry. She will never have any idea how loved and wanted she is.

Christina's Nursery

My parents came over today with Bean's crib, bassinet, and bedding. I got to watch while Daddy and the proud grandparents put everything together and oh my goodness! Her nursery is still a work in progress, but it's so nice to have her crib and other things in there. The crib and bassinet are the same ones my sister and I used as babies, so it's special that now my baby girl will get to use it. I still need to buy a rocker or glider, but I haven't really decided which one I want yet. Anyway, here are the pictures of what we have so far.

To My Baby Girl

My sweet and precious baby......I'm sitting here tonight unable to sleep because my thoughts are consumed by you. I'm thinking about you and worrying about you and loving you more than I have ever thought, worried about or loved anyone before. My heart aches when I think about what could have happened, but I am reassured by how well things have gone in the past few days. I am trying to stay strong and confident that everything will work out just fine for us. You are everything in the world to me and I will do whatever it takes to bring you safely into this world. You have no idea how much you are wanted and loved. I would venture to say that you are by far the most wanted little girl. Your Daddy and I have tried and waited so long for you, and here you are, our little miracle baby. Everything about you is a miracle and this experience will be no exception. You have so many people praying for you and sending you all kinds of positive thoughts. I can't wait to look into your beautiful eyes and hold you in my arms. I dream of the day when I can tell you myself how much I love you. We need to wait a little longer though because now is not the time. Hang in there, my little princess. We'll get through this.

UPDATE

Well, things spiraled wildly this week. Monday night after I had my injection, things got much, much worse. I was thinking that this was normal and due to the injection I had received earlier in the day, but I have been told that it was not a normal reaction - it was in fact early stages of labor. My contractions were to the point where I was in the shower rocking back and forth tryint to ease the pain. They were like the worst mentrual cramps ever. I got out of the shower when the water started going cold and Sam put me to bed. The cramps never stopped, but I was really thinking that it was a side effect of the injection since I was told it would get worse before it got better. The doctor gave me a sleeping pill to help me sleep, but I had no intention of taking it until Sam insisted and I gave in. I did manage to get sleep that night but then the next day I had a constant ache in my lower back. Again, I was thinking it was either just a side effect from the injection or just achiness from being in bed so much. I finally put a call in to the doctor Tuesday afternoon when the achiness did not subside and they told me to get to labor and deliver. Luckily Sam was just getting home at that point so he took me in to the hospital.

We went to the hospital I am going to deliver in, but needless to say, this was not the hospital tour I had in mind. They hooked me up to the monitor and gave me magnesium sulfate to stop the contractions. I had an ultrasound done and Christina was head down by my cervix. At this point, my cervix has started to thin out some. Apparently, they want your cervix to be between 3 and 4 CM long, and Tuesday night, mine was at a 2.6 cm. I was also starting to dialate. I really started freaking out when they gave me injections of steroiods (very painful) in case Christina was delivered Tuesday night in order to strenghthen her lungs. She is only 26 weeks at this point and her little lungs would not be fully developed at this point. They also gave me an antibiotic in case I have Strep B, which is something some women may carry. They didn't have time to test me for that, but they gave me the antibiotic for it just in case. By some miracle, Christina managed to stay inside. Wednesday, the doctor was in to see me at 6:00 am and told the nurses to begin weening me off the mag. sulfate and then monitor me to see how I do without the medication. This took all day and by this point I was soooo ready to head home. I was weened off and then monitored and no contractions! I was released last night. I really believe that once you are medically stabalized, the best medicine is being in your own home and in your own bed. I have never slept as well as I did last night.

Dr. Rockman had me set up with a home health company in order to monitor my contractions. Two nurses came to our house this afternoon and showed Sam and I how to work the machine. I describe it as OnStar for my uterus. Once a day, I strap myself to it for an hour and it measures to see if I'm having contractions. It sends a report to the call center, where the info. is analyzed and I get a call back with the results. If I begin to feel contractions during the day, I strap myself to it and call the call center to let them know I'm sending in a report. It is so incredibly reassuring to know that I have access to this 24/7. As it turns out, Sam will be the one to give me the weekly injections of the 17 alphahydroxyprogesterone (17 P), which is what will hopefully prevent me from going into labor again. I'll be taking the injection weekly until 36 weeks, or until she is born. Since I've had my shot for this week, the nurse will come back Monday evening to show Sam how to do the shot from here on out. I've read studies on the 17 P, and of course you can find pros and cons for everything, but from what I've read, and from what Dr. Rockman says, this injection has proven to help women who experience pre-term labor continue on to carry the baby to term. Dr. Rockman says that at this point we are going for two weeks at a time, since in fetal development, each week is a huge milestone, but we are doing our best to get to at LEAST 36 weeks.

I'm on bedrest until I see the doctor Monday morning and it's driving me crazy! I feel for ladies who are on bedrest for months and months at a time. I'm hoping that he will let me return to work even if it's on a modified schedule or something because I really need the interaction. Sam will be going in to work in the morning and I know it will get lonely. In the end, of course I will do whatever it takes to make sure my precious Bean is healthy, even if that means I am on bedrest for the rest of the pregnancy. Her health is the most important to me and I'll do whatever it takes.

You know, obviously I have loved her with my whole heart, and I have since the day I found out I was pregnant, but this experience has increased my love for her exponentionally. I can't imagine my life without my little girl and it's really bothering me that my body is not cooperating. Everything indicates that she is completely healthy and doing great, and here my body is trying to push her out! It's the most frustrating experience because it's my body, but have ZERO control over it. I have faith that everything will be fine though, and that Christina will be just fine. The medication seems to be working and I'm just trying to take things one day at a time. Please continue with the prayers and positive thoughts because they work!

Stressful Day

Well, I've been having all kinds of things going on for the past few days and this morning I was feeling much worse. I was only at work for about an hour and it got to the point where it seriously hurt to walk. I've been having that issue for a few days now, but this morning it got really bad so I left work and went in to see the doctor. He checked me out and had an ultrasound tech. paged from the hospital to check to see what was going on. Bean is just fine at this point.....she was mule kicking me away while we were doing the ultrasound and it was so funny to see. The doctor came back to talk to me and told me that my cervix is thinning and I'm experiencing pre-term labor. He gave me a shot to help stop it, but apparently, the shot makes the pains worse before it makes them better. Lovely. Let me just say it's not the most comfortable experience, but whatever it takes to keep my baby girl in there longer is worth it. I'm to stay home for the next two days and do NOTHING. I go back Wednesday for another check and I'll be doing the shots weekly to keep the labor away as much as possible. Needless to say I'm terrified, but I'm trying my best to stay calm because stressing is not good for me, and most importantly, it's not good for Bean. My doctor was very confident that since we caught this early, I'll be able to carry her to term as long as I continue the shots. Oh Bean......mommy loves you so very much. I'll do everything in my power to keep you safe and sound in there until it's time.

25 weeks 4 days

Oh my goodness! Time is FLYING!!!! I just realized the irony behind that statement......some days it feels like this will never end. I feel so uncomfortable and then some all knowing idiot feels the need to point out the obvious by saying "and you still have ALL summer to go!" Gee, thanks, like I haven't already thought about that one. Other days I feel like the time has flown by and I'm just wishing for more time to prepare for my precious baby girl.

Sam and I started the nursery yesterday. Well, really it was Sam who did all of the work because I kept having to take brakes. I honestly don't know what I would do without him. He is just amazing. Enough about him though - this is about the nursery! We have decided on a very light, not in-your- face shade of pink. We are going to do chocolate brown trim around her crib and then paint the inside of the window frame chocolate brown. It sounds terrible, but believe me, it will be cute! I got a call from my mother today and she told me that she has started working on the crib and bassinet. We are using the same crib and bassinet my sister and I used as babies and I can't wait to get it all set up in our Christina's room. It's in awesome shape and it's all chocolate brown wood. Sometimes I go up into the nursery and I play with her little clothes and imagine her wearing them. I can't believe I'm actually getting a room in my home ready for our child! It's the most surreal feeling in the world for me, especially since I have been told for so long that this would never happen for us. I am so amazed at what is about to happen. This is our inspiration for her nursery, but we will not be doing the polka dots even though I think they are adorable. We will be doing the trim, the initials, and some type of stencil.

I took a spill about two weeks ago at lunch, but luckily nothing was hurt (most importantly Christina) except my pride. I was wearing some cute strappy sandals with a slight heal and I slid on a laminate floor at BJ's when I went to lunch with some co-workers. I landed on my butt, but one leg went straight out and the other leg went behind me in a pseudo split maneuver. I was instantly sore, but figured I was ok since I landed on my behind as opposed to my stomach or side. My co-workers were insisting I call the doctor and my mother of course freaked out and insisted I call so I did the next day. The doctor said that at this point in the pregnancy, any fall regardless of where I land needs to be checked out, so he had me come in for an ultrasound. They basically did the entire 20 week ultrasound all over again where they check everything from the brain to the tippy tip toes and she was strong as a horse. She was moving all around and they checked again to make sure she was still our baby girl instead of a boy. Phew! She's still a girl! I was checked to make sure I wasn't dilating and everything was just fine. Dr. Rockman said that he is going to start taking it two weeks at a time in order to see if I need to stop working, but I'm doing my best to keep working up until I deliver. We'll see how that goes though.

I'm not sure if I mentioned this in a previous blog, but Sam surprised us one evening with a pack n play for the Princess. He could not have chosen a girlier one, but we love it! It's in her nursery right now, but when she arrives we'll have it downstairs for her.

So, all in all, we are doing great and we're just plugging along. I'm getting anxious thinking about her actual birthday, but there is no way around it. I was talking to Sam the other night and I told him that I'm really starting to get anxious about it because it's not like if you happen to get hurt and then have to go to the hospital. It's something you know is coming, something you know is going to be the worst pain ever, and there is absolutely no way to avoid it. He pointed out that unlike other surprise hospital trips though, we will get to go home with baby we never thought we would be able to have. He's right.....it's worth it.

By the way, Christina is now roughly the size of a rutabega!