One Year Ago Today

I can't believe that one year ago today I found out that my life would never be the same. One year ago today I found out I was going to be a mommy. It's amazing how fast the time has gone. My baby girl is five months old now and I as hard as I try, I just can not imagine my life without her in it.

I remember a conversation I had with a co-worker when I was pregnant about the fear I had of losing my identity by becoming a mother. At the time I felt that who I was then was who I wanted to be, and I was terrified of someone changing that. Looking back now, I see that I was really just scared of the new role I would be taking on, and understandably so. Five months later, I have settled into my new role as a mother and I see that I have changed in more ways than I can count, and I couldn't be happier. I truly feel that being a mother has made me a better person. Here I have this perfect, pure, and completely innocent little person counting on me to be the best person I can be so that I can raise her in the best possible way. Christina makes me want to be a better person, and I am so thankful to her for that. When I think about who I am, I am a mother first and foremost, a wife, a daughter, a sister. I embrace my new identity and I see now that this is the best thing that could have ever happened to me.

I am so amazed at how my little girl has opened my eyes to a love I never imagined existed. I truly believe that a person has no idea what true love is until they first lay eyes on their child. I had a conversation with my mom and sister not long ago about this very thing. My mom asked me to describe the love I have for Christina, and I told her that when I tell Christina how much I love her, I always tell her: "My love for you is higher than the highest mountain, deeper than the depths of the ocean, more than the sand in the Sahara." I told her that even that doesn't come close to describing how I love her. Just thinking about how much I love her I started to cry and I just said "It's just too much." There are no words to even begin to describe the love a mother has for her child, and there is no way you could even begin to explain the feeling to someone unless they have experienced it themselves. I look at her and she takes my breath away. My heart skips a beat when I see her smile. There is something special about my baby girl. I know every mother feels that way, but there is something really special about Christina. She is such a kind soul and I just have a feeling about her.

Sam and I have discussed the possibilty of trying for another baby in the near future. We go back and forth and only time will tell. I would love to give Christina a baby brother or sister, but she is a miracle and I almost feel gready by wanting another baby. Sam feels like we dodged a bullet and he is scared that if we have another baby, that we might not be so lucky. I think at the end of the day, at this point in time, I am content with where we are now. If Christina is my one and only then I am fine with that and I am so grateful for her.

Another New Year

Well, here we are in 2010! Last year flew by so quickly that it seems like a blur. We brought in the new year pretty low key, but then that's how we always bring in the new year. Christy and her family came over to cook out fajitas and pop firecrackers. The baby was asleep before they got here, but woke up when the fireworks started going off. I was happy to see that she was amazed by the fireworks, but then it all went wrong for her. Poor baby Christina became terrified by them. There was no calming her down, and she just didn't seem to want anything to do with me. It hurt my feelings when Sam came in and took over and she just seemed to burrow into him. It's so funny how if she has a choice between the two of us, the girl will choose her daddy every time. Sam ended up having to lay down with her to keep her calm. He said that every time a firework would go off she would shake and burrow in as far as she could into him. After Christy and her family left, I went upstairs to find the two of them all nestled in the bed. It was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen - one that I will never forget. My entire world was right there sleeping on my bed. In the end, Sam brought in the new year with our angel and I brought in the new year with my Medela pump sucking the hell out of my breasts. Nice.

I woke up this morning to my darling hubby bringing me a nice tall cup of coffee. How on earth did I ever get so lucky? I couldn't believe it when he told me it was 9:45! I haven't slept that late since before Christina was born!

Christina seems to be going through a growth spurt these days. She's eating more often and her sleeping patterns are out of whack. She has been staring at Sam and I when we eat and smacks her lips the entire time. It's really one of the cutest things I have ever seen. After going back and forth, I finally decided that she could bring in the new year with her first taste of oatmeal. My initial plan was to avoid introducing any type of solids for her first year and only give breast milk during that time. Lately though I am seeing that the girl needs more than just breast milk, so I started entertaining the idea of solids. I wanted to start her on avacados since they are loaded with good healthy fats, plus they are smooshy anyway, but her pediatritian's website says to hold off on veggies until about six months. They recommeded rice cereal, but I decided to go with oatmeal. We fed her with a spoon this morning and she seemed to really enjoy it. I'll have to play around with the consistency of the oatmeal a little bit, but we'll get it down. It was adorabel to hear her slerp it up from the spoon. Absolutely precious! I can't believe my little girl is already four months! Where on earth does the time go?

I never make new year's resolutions because I think they are silly anyway, however, my one and only resolution is to be the absolute best mother to this little miracle of mine. She deserves only the very best, and while I'm not the very best by any stretch of the imagination, I love her with my entire heart and soul and I think that's a good start. It's amazing to me how I hoped and prayed for her for eight long years. Every new year that would come was another year that I didn't have the baby I dreamed of, and each year I would hope that it would be the year that she would come. Here I am now with my miracle sleeping soundly in the next room and it's even better than I ever imagined.

Over The River And Through The Woods To Grandmother's House We Go

The plan for today is to take Christina to Conroe to visit Grandma and Grandpa. They are going to be putting out their Christmas decorations today and I thought it would be nice for them to enjoy time with Christina too, since she is the one who is bringing the magic of Christmas back. There's something about children and Christmas that makes it extra special. I know she's not aware of what's going on this year, but we are and we are so excited!

We took Christina to see Santa at Katy Mills Mall a few weeks ago. I kept going back and forth about taking her because I was freaked out about all the kids that would be there and of Santa himself. To be more specific, I wasn't freaked about by the kids and Santa, I was freaked out about all the germs everyone is carrying. I read somewhere that H1N1 lives on surfaces (Santa's beard) for up to eight hours. Sam had the day off when we went, and our strategy was to be the first in line so she wouldn't have to be in line with a lot of people. We got there and there was only one person in front of us so it worked out nicely. We got great pictures of our precious girl, and Sam and I were so excited.

Thanksgiving was spent at my parent's house and we had a nice time. My dad worked on Thanksgiving day, so we had our meal at dinner time which was different for us. We took Christina's bumbo with us and put it on a chair at the table so she could hang out with us.

Surprising enough, it snowed here on Friday! More like sleet really, but there were good snow flurries coming down. The ground was not cold enough for it to stick of course, but it was beautiful to watch anyway. It reminded Sam and I of Colorado so of course now we have the itch to go back. We moved back to Texas with the intention of one day going back to Colorado, but he got his job with Chevron here after he got out of college, then I graduated and got a job here, so we stayed. Now of course we have Christina and I just can't stand the thought of taking her far from my family. Everything changes when you have a family and I'm ok with that. It's not about just us and what we want, but I wouldn't have it any other way.

The excitement of the snow really got Sam into the Christmas spirit, so we got our tree and set it up. We had initially planned to set it up on my birthday, but it was just the right time so we did it. Of course, it's beautiful!

Christina and I have joined a playgroup through meetup.com and we will be having our first meetup tomorrow at the zoo. The weather is supposed to be nice and we are really looking forward to meeting everyone and making new friends. Christina is of course too young to know what's going on, but I'm looking forward to the adult interaction. There are two other babies around Christina's age so that will be nice for her to have little ones to play with. It's a brand new group so I'm glad I don't have to worry about trying to fit in to an established group.

Pictures to come tonight after Miss Christina is in bed.

A Whole New World

I can't believe it has almost been two months since I have updated this! Time really does fly when you're having fun!

Here are a few things we have been busy with:

Napping

Giving cuddles

Learning how to carve pumpkins from mommy (the expert)

Being a pumpkin

Learning how to carve pumpkins with great precision like daddy


Having a garage sale and hanging out with my Godmother

Posing for pictures at the garage sale with mommy

Going out to eat with Grandma

Cheering for the Iowa Hawkeyes

Some of Christina's hobbies include singing to and cooing at ceiling fans, learning how to push up, working on holding her head up (she is not a huge fan of tummy time), and sucking on her fists. She is weighing in at 11 pounds 2 ounces as of her 2 month appointment last week and she is just moving right along. It's amazing how she is developing her own little personality, and she amazes me every day with how beautiful she is. Her smile is contagious and I just love being home with her. There is no way I would want to miss a thing when it comes to my baby girl, and being her mother is by far more rewarding than anything I have ever done in my life.

What a Fun Day!

Today was Sam's Friday off, so we packed up our little family and did a little running around. It was so nice to get out in the beautiful weather, but my energy level was pretty low still. Sam took us up to his school to show us the campus and to take care of a few things. We drove through and then Christina and I waited in the car since she was napping so peacefully. We decided to head on to the mall on the way back so off we go. It's so funny how much has changed in a few very short weeks! We used to just park the car and off we went into the mall, but this time we parked the car, I climbed into the backseat to feed and change her, Sam got out the stroller and finally, after about 30 minutes we were ready to head into the mall. We had a little surprise as I was changing Miss Chris when her umbelical stump came off. It shocked me when I saw it on her onsie, but I guess it was time.

We went into the mall and checked out some prices on having her pictures done and then she started to get a little fussy. We walked around a little more, but decided it was time to go. I really think that all of the noise and action going around her was just too much just yet. She usually falls asleep in the car, but she was in and out of sleep all the way home. We got home and I tried to comfort her in the quiet of her nursery, but she was having a really hard time calming down. After about an hour she finally settled in for a nap and she has been sleeping since. My poor girl. Oh, poor mommy and daddy tonight! I have a feeling she'll be up quite a bit.

We are looking forward to her Baptism class on Sunday. Her godparents and grandparents will be here early Sunday for brunch and then grandma and grandpa will babysit her while we go on to the class for a few hours. I feel so bad leaving her, but she will be with her grandparents, and there is no one I trust more to take care of her. Plus, I didn't want to use the Church nursery and put her around a bunch of other kiddos and some random sitter just yet.

All in all, this is shaping up to be quite a nice weekend with my new little family. :)

Christina Marie Hill's Birth Story

We went to the hospital at 6:30 am Aug. 31 for the induction. Everything went very smoothly - we were brought back immediately, met the nurse, and got all set up. By about 7:00 am, the pitocin was started and things were going ok. My contractions picked up some, but it was the intensity that really picked up with the pitocin. I went in dilated to 4 cm, and progressed a little with the pitocin. I went ahead and opted to take the stadol to take the edge off the pain, and it helped. It's very strange because you are completely coherant, and you feel the pain, but it's not to the level that you feel it without the medication. It also allowed me to rest better in between contractions. Dr. Rockman came in at 8:30am and broke my water. OMG that was an interesting feeling. Not painful at all, just strange. The contractions came on with a vengance once my water was broken. It seemed like just as I was getting over one contraction another would start. I always wondered how I would know that I was in full blown active labor, but now I understand what people have been telling me. YOU KNOW! I decided to go ahead and get the epidural at that point because the pain was so intense. I take tylenol for a headache, so I would be damned if I would go through labor without some form of pain relief. The anesthesiologist came in with her tray of goodies and wouldn't you know that as she was putting in the epidural, I was getting contractions. It's pretty hard to sit perfectly still and push your back out when you are in the middle of one of those bad boys! She tried the first time and I don't know if I moved or what, but it didn't go where it was supposed to, so she had to try a second time. Thank goodness it worked and my labor was smooth sailing from there. I couldn't feel my legs at all. Someone could have been poking me with a needle and I wouldn't have felt again. I really feel like the epidural is a God send!

Unfortunately, things changed during the course of it all. Christina's heart rate was dropping significantly, which obviously is not good. After moving me into several positions, the decision was made to get her out for her own safety. I wanted to beg Dr. Rockman to give me a little longer to try to progress more, but it became very clear that a c-section was in her best interest. Things went very quickly once the decision was made. My dad was comforting me because I was so terrified. I couldn't stop crying because of all the things that were running through my mind. I keep thinking about the look on my dad's face as he immediately came to my side and took my hand. I will always be thankful that my dad was there at that point in time. I have never needed him like I did at that point.

Before I knew it, Sam was dressed in blue scrubs (sorry about the sideways picture) and the nurse was getting hers on. The anesthesiologist came back to my room and I kept asking if they were both going to be there. It's amazing how you build a relationship with your nurse when you are having a baby. They both kept telling me that they would be right there the whole time. I was wheeled to OR 1. I'll never forget laying back in that bed as I was being wheeled back. All I could see was the lights in the ceiling. I was pushed through double doors to the OR and wheeled into a big room with bright lights. By this point I was shaking all over uncontrollably. No matter how hard I concentrated, I could not get myself to stop so I just gave in to the shaking. I heard voices all around me and then a chipper "Hi Maria, it's Dr. Rockman". I felt so good knowing that he was there and I knew that my baby and I were in good hands. They asked Sam to leave while they got me prepared and I remember just praying harder than I have ever prayed. I prayed that if something went wrong, that my baby girl would be ok and I remember promising God that I would never ask for anything else again. I know, I know.......so wrong to bargan with God, but at the time it's all I could think of. Before too long, Sam was by my side again. It was the most amazing experience we have ever shared. It really seemed like time stood still and even though I could hear and smell everything going on, it seemed like he was the only one in the room with me. We stared at eachother the whole time and he kept telling me how much he loved me. He thanked me over and over and I remember just smiling and feeling so safe. I would start to look away and he would tell me to keep focusing on him. After what seemed like an eternity, Dr. Rockman told me I would feel some pressure, and boy he was not kidding! I remember saying "oh oh oh oh!" and then the most amazing sound I have ever heard - my daughter screaming and crying. Sam was beside himself! He kept kissing me and I could tell it took everything in him to sit still until they called him over. They told him to only look forward and not to look at me. I could hear him as he took his first look at his brand new baby girl. He kept saying "oh my God!" over and over again. He brought her over to me and she took my breath away. Never in my life have I seen such a beautiful baby. My husband introduced me to the baby I fell in love with back in February when I found out I was pregnant. Sam took the baby with the nurse to the nursery while they finished up the c-section. I remember the anesthsiologist telling me she was giving me something, come to find out it was a big ol dose of morphene and I was out like a light. I woke up a short time later in recovery with Sam next to me.

I have had my heart set on breast feeding since I found out I was pregnant, but I realized that with how fast everything went, I forgot to mention it ahead of time to the nurse. I told her what I wanted and she immediately went to get Christina. The first time I held her was amazing. I kissed her over and over and pulled her close. She immediately knew what to do and latched on like a pro and nursed for about an hour!

As it turns out, Christina was wrapped in her cord, which was preventing her from descending any farther. She was upside down like she was supposed to be, but she was face up instead of face down. The birth did not go as planned, and I'm still struggling with processing the c-section, but every day is better and better. My baby girl is here safe and sound, and I would go through it all over again to have the same outcome. I am blessed more than I deserve, and I am so happy that this very difficult pregnancy had such a happy ending!

Here are the proud Godparents, Juan and Lorena.