One Year Ago Today

I can't believe that one year ago today I found out that my life would never be the same. One year ago today I found out I was going to be a mommy. It's amazing how fast the time has gone. My baby girl is five months old now and I as hard as I try, I just can not imagine my life without her in it.

I remember a conversation I had with a co-worker when I was pregnant about the fear I had of losing my identity by becoming a mother. At the time I felt that who I was then was who I wanted to be, and I was terrified of someone changing that. Looking back now, I see that I was really just scared of the new role I would be taking on, and understandably so. Five months later, I have settled into my new role as a mother and I see that I have changed in more ways than I can count, and I couldn't be happier. I truly feel that being a mother has made me a better person. Here I have this perfect, pure, and completely innocent little person counting on me to be the best person I can be so that I can raise her in the best possible way. Christina makes me want to be a better person, and I am so thankful to her for that. When I think about who I am, I am a mother first and foremost, a wife, a daughter, a sister. I embrace my new identity and I see now that this is the best thing that could have ever happened to me.

I am so amazed at how my little girl has opened my eyes to a love I never imagined existed. I truly believe that a person has no idea what true love is until they first lay eyes on their child. I had a conversation with my mom and sister not long ago about this very thing. My mom asked me to describe the love I have for Christina, and I told her that when I tell Christina how much I love her, I always tell her: "My love for you is higher than the highest mountain, deeper than the depths of the ocean, more than the sand in the Sahara." I told her that even that doesn't come close to describing how I love her. Just thinking about how much I love her I started to cry and I just said "It's just too much." There are no words to even begin to describe the love a mother has for her child, and there is no way you could even begin to explain the feeling to someone unless they have experienced it themselves. I look at her and she takes my breath away. My heart skips a beat when I see her smile. There is something special about my baby girl. I know every mother feels that way, but there is something really special about Christina. She is such a kind soul and I just have a feeling about her.

Sam and I have discussed the possibilty of trying for another baby in the near future. We go back and forth and only time will tell. I would love to give Christina a baby brother or sister, but she is a miracle and I almost feel gready by wanting another baby. Sam feels like we dodged a bullet and he is scared that if we have another baby, that we might not be so lucky. I think at the end of the day, at this point in time, I am content with where we are now. If Christina is my one and only then I am fine with that and I am so grateful for her.