Over The River And Through The Woods To Grandmother's House We Go

The plan for today is to take Christina to Conroe to visit Grandma and Grandpa. They are going to be putting out their Christmas decorations today and I thought it would be nice for them to enjoy time with Christina too, since she is the one who is bringing the magic of Christmas back. There's something about children and Christmas that makes it extra special. I know she's not aware of what's going on this year, but we are and we are so excited!

We took Christina to see Santa at Katy Mills Mall a few weeks ago. I kept going back and forth about taking her because I was freaked out about all the kids that would be there and of Santa himself. To be more specific, I wasn't freaked about by the kids and Santa, I was freaked out about all the germs everyone is carrying. I read somewhere that H1N1 lives on surfaces (Santa's beard) for up to eight hours. Sam had the day off when we went, and our strategy was to be the first in line so she wouldn't have to be in line with a lot of people. We got there and there was only one person in front of us so it worked out nicely. We got great pictures of our precious girl, and Sam and I were so excited.

Thanksgiving was spent at my parent's house and we had a nice time. My dad worked on Thanksgiving day, so we had our meal at dinner time which was different for us. We took Christina's bumbo with us and put it on a chair at the table so she could hang out with us.

Surprising enough, it snowed here on Friday! More like sleet really, but there were good snow flurries coming down. The ground was not cold enough for it to stick of course, but it was beautiful to watch anyway. It reminded Sam and I of Colorado so of course now we have the itch to go back. We moved back to Texas with the intention of one day going back to Colorado, but he got his job with Chevron here after he got out of college, then I graduated and got a job here, so we stayed. Now of course we have Christina and I just can't stand the thought of taking her far from my family. Everything changes when you have a family and I'm ok with that. It's not about just us and what we want, but I wouldn't have it any other way.

The excitement of the snow really got Sam into the Christmas spirit, so we got our tree and set it up. We had initially planned to set it up on my birthday, but it was just the right time so we did it. Of course, it's beautiful!

Christina and I have joined a playgroup through meetup.com and we will be having our first meetup tomorrow at the zoo. The weather is supposed to be nice and we are really looking forward to meeting everyone and making new friends. Christina is of course too young to know what's going on, but I'm looking forward to the adult interaction. There are two other babies around Christina's age so that will be nice for her to have little ones to play with. It's a brand new group so I'm glad I don't have to worry about trying to fit in to an established group.

Pictures to come tonight after Miss Christina is in bed.

A Whole New World

I can't believe it has almost been two months since I have updated this! Time really does fly when you're having fun!

Here are a few things we have been busy with:

Napping

Giving cuddles

Learning how to carve pumpkins from mommy (the expert)

Being a pumpkin

Learning how to carve pumpkins with great precision like daddy


Having a garage sale and hanging out with my Godmother

Posing for pictures at the garage sale with mommy

Going out to eat with Grandma

Cheering for the Iowa Hawkeyes

Some of Christina's hobbies include singing to and cooing at ceiling fans, learning how to push up, working on holding her head up (she is not a huge fan of tummy time), and sucking on her fists. She is weighing in at 11 pounds 2 ounces as of her 2 month appointment last week and she is just moving right along. It's amazing how she is developing her own little personality, and she amazes me every day with how beautiful she is. Her smile is contagious and I just love being home with her. There is no way I would want to miss a thing when it comes to my baby girl, and being her mother is by far more rewarding than anything I have ever done in my life.

What a Fun Day!

Today was Sam's Friday off, so we packed up our little family and did a little running around. It was so nice to get out in the beautiful weather, but my energy level was pretty low still. Sam took us up to his school to show us the campus and to take care of a few things. We drove through and then Christina and I waited in the car since she was napping so peacefully. We decided to head on to the mall on the way back so off we go. It's so funny how much has changed in a few very short weeks! We used to just park the car and off we went into the mall, but this time we parked the car, I climbed into the backseat to feed and change her, Sam got out the stroller and finally, after about 30 minutes we were ready to head into the mall. We had a little surprise as I was changing Miss Chris when her umbelical stump came off. It shocked me when I saw it on her onsie, but I guess it was time.

We went into the mall and checked out some prices on having her pictures done and then she started to get a little fussy. We walked around a little more, but decided it was time to go. I really think that all of the noise and action going around her was just too much just yet. She usually falls asleep in the car, but she was in and out of sleep all the way home. We got home and I tried to comfort her in the quiet of her nursery, but she was having a really hard time calming down. After about an hour she finally settled in for a nap and she has been sleeping since. My poor girl. Oh, poor mommy and daddy tonight! I have a feeling she'll be up quite a bit.

We are looking forward to her Baptism class on Sunday. Her godparents and grandparents will be here early Sunday for brunch and then grandma and grandpa will babysit her while we go on to the class for a few hours. I feel so bad leaving her, but she will be with her grandparents, and there is no one I trust more to take care of her. Plus, I didn't want to use the Church nursery and put her around a bunch of other kiddos and some random sitter just yet.

All in all, this is shaping up to be quite a nice weekend with my new little family. :)

Christina Marie Hill's Birth Story

We went to the hospital at 6:30 am Aug. 31 for the induction. Everything went very smoothly - we were brought back immediately, met the nurse, and got all set up. By about 7:00 am, the pitocin was started and things were going ok. My contractions picked up some, but it was the intensity that really picked up with the pitocin. I went in dilated to 4 cm, and progressed a little with the pitocin. I went ahead and opted to take the stadol to take the edge off the pain, and it helped. It's very strange because you are completely coherant, and you feel the pain, but it's not to the level that you feel it without the medication. It also allowed me to rest better in between contractions. Dr. Rockman came in at 8:30am and broke my water. OMG that was an interesting feeling. Not painful at all, just strange. The contractions came on with a vengance once my water was broken. It seemed like just as I was getting over one contraction another would start. I always wondered how I would know that I was in full blown active labor, but now I understand what people have been telling me. YOU KNOW! I decided to go ahead and get the epidural at that point because the pain was so intense. I take tylenol for a headache, so I would be damned if I would go through labor without some form of pain relief. The anesthesiologist came in with her tray of goodies and wouldn't you know that as she was putting in the epidural, I was getting contractions. It's pretty hard to sit perfectly still and push your back out when you are in the middle of one of those bad boys! She tried the first time and I don't know if I moved or what, but it didn't go where it was supposed to, so she had to try a second time. Thank goodness it worked and my labor was smooth sailing from there. I couldn't feel my legs at all. Someone could have been poking me with a needle and I wouldn't have felt again. I really feel like the epidural is a God send!

Unfortunately, things changed during the course of it all. Christina's heart rate was dropping significantly, which obviously is not good. After moving me into several positions, the decision was made to get her out for her own safety. I wanted to beg Dr. Rockman to give me a little longer to try to progress more, but it became very clear that a c-section was in her best interest. Things went very quickly once the decision was made. My dad was comforting me because I was so terrified. I couldn't stop crying because of all the things that were running through my mind. I keep thinking about the look on my dad's face as he immediately came to my side and took my hand. I will always be thankful that my dad was there at that point in time. I have never needed him like I did at that point.

Before I knew it, Sam was dressed in blue scrubs (sorry about the sideways picture) and the nurse was getting hers on. The anesthesiologist came back to my room and I kept asking if they were both going to be there. It's amazing how you build a relationship with your nurse when you are having a baby. They both kept telling me that they would be right there the whole time. I was wheeled to OR 1. I'll never forget laying back in that bed as I was being wheeled back. All I could see was the lights in the ceiling. I was pushed through double doors to the OR and wheeled into a big room with bright lights. By this point I was shaking all over uncontrollably. No matter how hard I concentrated, I could not get myself to stop so I just gave in to the shaking. I heard voices all around me and then a chipper "Hi Maria, it's Dr. Rockman". I felt so good knowing that he was there and I knew that my baby and I were in good hands. They asked Sam to leave while they got me prepared and I remember just praying harder than I have ever prayed. I prayed that if something went wrong, that my baby girl would be ok and I remember promising God that I would never ask for anything else again. I know, I know.......so wrong to bargan with God, but at the time it's all I could think of. Before too long, Sam was by my side again. It was the most amazing experience we have ever shared. It really seemed like time stood still and even though I could hear and smell everything going on, it seemed like he was the only one in the room with me. We stared at eachother the whole time and he kept telling me how much he loved me. He thanked me over and over and I remember just smiling and feeling so safe. I would start to look away and he would tell me to keep focusing on him. After what seemed like an eternity, Dr. Rockman told me I would feel some pressure, and boy he was not kidding! I remember saying "oh oh oh oh!" and then the most amazing sound I have ever heard - my daughter screaming and crying. Sam was beside himself! He kept kissing me and I could tell it took everything in him to sit still until they called him over. They told him to only look forward and not to look at me. I could hear him as he took his first look at his brand new baby girl. He kept saying "oh my God!" over and over again. He brought her over to me and she took my breath away. Never in my life have I seen such a beautiful baby. My husband introduced me to the baby I fell in love with back in February when I found out I was pregnant. Sam took the baby with the nurse to the nursery while they finished up the c-section. I remember the anesthsiologist telling me she was giving me something, come to find out it was a big ol dose of morphene and I was out like a light. I woke up a short time later in recovery with Sam next to me.

I have had my heart set on breast feeding since I found out I was pregnant, but I realized that with how fast everything went, I forgot to mention it ahead of time to the nurse. I told her what I wanted and she immediately went to get Christina. The first time I held her was amazing. I kissed her over and over and pulled her close. She immediately knew what to do and latched on like a pro and nursed for about an hour!

As it turns out, Christina was wrapped in her cord, which was preventing her from descending any farther. She was upside down like she was supposed to be, but she was face up instead of face down. The birth did not go as planned, and I'm still struggling with processing the c-section, but every day is better and better. My baby girl is here safe and sound, and I would go through it all over again to have the same outcome. I am blessed more than I deserve, and I am so happy that this very difficult pregnancy had such a happy ending!

Here are the proud Godparents, Juan and Lorena.

Tomorrow is The Day. I Promise! :)

Well, Sam and I went to see the doctor Friday morning like we were supposed to. That Monday, Dr. Rockman said to come back Friday so we could induce over the weekend. Unfortunately, the hospital we have chosen to deliver at was booked for inductions so the earliest we could get in is Monday (tomorrow) at 5:30 am. I feel so ridiculous that our dates have been all up in the air and changed as many times and it has, but I have to believe that there is a reason for it. I have come to accept the fact that I may quite possible be pregnant for the rest of my life. haha......

So, here we are - my last day of pregnancy and I have all kinds of mixed feelings about it. I am so ready to meet my precious baby girl and to begin our lives together, but I am not quite sure that I'm ready to share her with the world just yet. I love the time we have together when I feel her moving around inside of me. As difficult as this road has been, now that it is coming to an end I can't help but feel a little sad. I surely will not miss the actual physical part of being pregnant at all. I feel so blessed that we will have the baby we were always told we would never have, but the actual pregnancy has been very very difficult and I can't say that I will miss it.

My mom is coming over tonight because we have to be at the hospital at 5:30 am to begin the induction. The doctor will break my water, start pitocin and order my epidural. How in the world are we supposed to get any sleep tonight? Our lives are about to be forever changed! All I can say is bring it on. We are so ready for this. Updates to follow as soon as possible.

Tomorrow Is The Big Day!

Oh my goodness, my little one! I am so nervous and excited about tomorrow! I hope and pray that nothing changes between now and then and I will be able to see your beautiful face this weekend. Your daddy and I are so ready to have you in our arms. I'm praying for a smooth delivery for the both of us (especially you). I can't wait to see you! Mommy loves you more than you will ever know.

38 Weeks

Today is 38 weeks. I never ever thought we would make it this far, but here we are! We are still waiting on our baby girl to grace us with her presence, and it looks as if it will be sooner rather than later, although I'm trying very hard not to get my hopes up like before.

We went to the doctor Monday and I am now 3 cm dilated. Dr. Rockman talked to me again about induction. Apparently with all of the work we have put into keeping Baby Christina in, my uterus is now confused about what it is it's supposed to do. Imagine that. Not only is my uterus "irritable", but now it's confused. Who would have known? He told me to come back next Monday and we would induce Tuesday, then on my way out he told me to go ahead and come in Friday and we will induce either Friday/Saturday! I really hope I'm not getting my hopes up, but it really looks like this could be it! I'm trying to just relax these last few days, but it's hard to do since I feel like I've been trapped at home as it is.

I can't believe I'll finally be meeting my precious baby girl so soon! I can't wait to see Sam as a daddy and my parents as grandparents. She is so special to all of us and I'm so ready to start my life with her. She'll most likely never understand what a miracle she really is for this family, but I'll never take her for granted.

Sam says that he wants another baby within a year. I say he's crazy and he needs to come back down to earth. People tell me I'll change my mind, since you know, people tend to think they know me better than I know myself, but I am perfectly content with my one and only. I'm so traumatized that I'm scared that if I get pregnant again, my Christina will suffer because of it and I'm willing to do that. How do you tell a little girl that you can't take her out to play because Mommy is on bedrest? It has been hard enough this pregnancy and I don't have any little ones to take care of, but I can't imagine doing that to my girl. All of this has been an incredible learing experience - one I will never forget. I will NEVER tell another pregnant woman to "hang in there", "keep her head up", "it's all worth it". I will NEVER tell another pregnant woman that she'll change her mind about having other children in the future when she feels worse than she has ever felt. I now understand and appreciate the need of just wanting someone to just listen and not say anything or offer and advise. I understand and appreciate the need for validation and to have someone just say that they understand why I would feel that way. It takes a special person to do that, and I'm so thankful that I have a few of those people in my life. Christy's "we'll talk about that later" approach is priceless when it comes to talking about having more children. The look in my mother's eyes when she listens to me going on and on. She never has to say anything at all - she just holds me and that makes everything all better. My sister's excitement about being an aunt to this beautiful baby girl. My husband's unending love and support. Juan and Lorena's excitement about being godparents to our daughter. I am so blessed to have all of these people in my life. I have an amazing support system and I am so thankful for them.

I can't wait to post a birth announcement and pictures! Hopefully very very soon.

36 Weeks and Counting!

We are now at 36 weeks 3 days and I am a ticking time bomb. I saw the doctor this past Tuesday and he said that I am 1.5 cm dialated and 80% effaced. My last injection was last Monday and he said that I would give birth in about ten days. So close! He said that if I'm still pregnant through this week, he would start inducing Thursday/Friday. He also said that if I do go into labor before then, that he would do nothing to stop it. Well wouldn't you know that I went to labor and delivery Thursday evening thinking we were going to meet our princess and the doctor stopped my labor! WTF? He said that as long as there is a chance of keeping her in until 37 weeks, he would do it. I am completely on board with that and I appreciate what he is doing, but I just wish he had not told me he would not stop labor and then go and stop it. I'm on strict bedrest now and I'm just waiting to see what happens. My next doctor's appointment is Monday morning and I'm hoping that the contractions I've had this weekend will have caused some changes. We shall see.

Other than that, not much else to report. I have reached the end of my rope and I feel like my body has run out of fuel. I know this is all worth it and blah blah blah, but I am so ready to be through all of this and I'm so ready to be holding my precious baby. I am so disappointed because tomorrow we were going to the baptism class and now that I'm stuck on bedrest we have to wait until the next class, which I believe is sometime in September. I really wanted her to be baptised immediately. It's ok though - it will all work out.

I'm so thankful for my friends and family who have been so patient with me. I've been such a grump lately and I am so grateful to those of you who just listen to my rants and raves. I have not necessarily taken all of this as gracefully as I would have liked, but hey, it's much harder than I expected. Going through this has given me a whole new appreciation for my own mother, and for mothers who choose to go through pregnancy more than once!

Hopefully I'll be able to post a birth announcement in the next week or so!

It Has Been FOREVER!

I've been meaning to update for a while, but I never seem to get around to much these days. Tomorrow will be 35 weeks and we are quickly closing in on the time when we will hold our precious baby girl! It's funny to me how some days it feels like this pregnancy has lasted forever, but other days, like today, I can't believe how fast this has gone!

Sam and took a childbirth class Saturday and I left the class questioning EVERYTHING. I had no idea how I would make it through, or even if I would be able to. It's strange because it's obvious where babies come from and how they get here, but when you realize that you will be the one going through all of this, it's a real eye-opening realization. Something you just don't understand unless you have been there. Sam was reassured after the class because he felt that now he pretty much knew what to expect. I on the other hand needed a few days to process all of that information. Thank God for my friend Christy. I really don't know how I would have been able to compartmentalize all of that without her. She somehow knows what to say to calm me down and reassure me about all of this. I'm so incredibly blessed to have someone who convinces me that I can do this, even when I really don't believe I can.

Sam and I officially asked Christina's Godparents to be her Godparents about two weeks ago. Juan and Lorena are an awesome couple, and I can't wait for them to meet their Goddaughter in a few weeks! I always knew they would be her Godparents, but it really solidified our decision at my babyshower. Everyone was introducing themselves and when we got to Lorena she said she knew me for however long and then my cousin Vanessa said, "it must be a long time because I know you". They are so involved in our family that my extended family even knows them. My sister also made a comment that she feels like they ARE family. It only makes sense. They are more than just friends now. They are family.

As the time gets closer and closer, I'm getting more and more anxious. I'm working on packing my hospital bag and getting last minute things tied up. I need to buy just a few more things for Baby Christina, but other than that, we are completely ready. It's scary that our lives are changing forever very soon, but it's a change we are ready for. We have waited so long for this moment to arrive. I can't believe that our little miracle is almost here! I can't wait to hold her and feel her skin on mine. I can't wait to hear her little cry. She will never have any idea how loved and wanted she is.

Christina's Nursery

My parents came over today with Bean's crib, bassinet, and bedding. I got to watch while Daddy and the proud grandparents put everything together and oh my goodness! Her nursery is still a work in progress, but it's so nice to have her crib and other things in there. The crib and bassinet are the same ones my sister and I used as babies, so it's special that now my baby girl will get to use it. I still need to buy a rocker or glider, but I haven't really decided which one I want yet. Anyway, here are the pictures of what we have so far.

To My Baby Girl

My sweet and precious baby......I'm sitting here tonight unable to sleep because my thoughts are consumed by you. I'm thinking about you and worrying about you and loving you more than I have ever thought, worried about or loved anyone before. My heart aches when I think about what could have happened, but I am reassured by how well things have gone in the past few days. I am trying to stay strong and confident that everything will work out just fine for us. You are everything in the world to me and I will do whatever it takes to bring you safely into this world. You have no idea how much you are wanted and loved. I would venture to say that you are by far the most wanted little girl. Your Daddy and I have tried and waited so long for you, and here you are, our little miracle baby. Everything about you is a miracle and this experience will be no exception. You have so many people praying for you and sending you all kinds of positive thoughts. I can't wait to look into your beautiful eyes and hold you in my arms. I dream of the day when I can tell you myself how much I love you. We need to wait a little longer though because now is not the time. Hang in there, my little princess. We'll get through this.

UPDATE

Well, things spiraled wildly this week. Monday night after I had my injection, things got much, much worse. I was thinking that this was normal and due to the injection I had received earlier in the day, but I have been told that it was not a normal reaction - it was in fact early stages of labor. My contractions were to the point where I was in the shower rocking back and forth tryint to ease the pain. They were like the worst mentrual cramps ever. I got out of the shower when the water started going cold and Sam put me to bed. The cramps never stopped, but I was really thinking that it was a side effect of the injection since I was told it would get worse before it got better. The doctor gave me a sleeping pill to help me sleep, but I had no intention of taking it until Sam insisted and I gave in. I did manage to get sleep that night but then the next day I had a constant ache in my lower back. Again, I was thinking it was either just a side effect from the injection or just achiness from being in bed so much. I finally put a call in to the doctor Tuesday afternoon when the achiness did not subside and they told me to get to labor and deliver. Luckily Sam was just getting home at that point so he took me in to the hospital.

We went to the hospital I am going to deliver in, but needless to say, this was not the hospital tour I had in mind. They hooked me up to the monitor and gave me magnesium sulfate to stop the contractions. I had an ultrasound done and Christina was head down by my cervix. At this point, my cervix has started to thin out some. Apparently, they want your cervix to be between 3 and 4 CM long, and Tuesday night, mine was at a 2.6 cm. I was also starting to dialate. I really started freaking out when they gave me injections of steroiods (very painful) in case Christina was delivered Tuesday night in order to strenghthen her lungs. She is only 26 weeks at this point and her little lungs would not be fully developed at this point. They also gave me an antibiotic in case I have Strep B, which is something some women may carry. They didn't have time to test me for that, but they gave me the antibiotic for it just in case. By some miracle, Christina managed to stay inside. Wednesday, the doctor was in to see me at 6:00 am and told the nurses to begin weening me off the mag. sulfate and then monitor me to see how I do without the medication. This took all day and by this point I was soooo ready to head home. I was weened off and then monitored and no contractions! I was released last night. I really believe that once you are medically stabalized, the best medicine is being in your own home and in your own bed. I have never slept as well as I did last night.

Dr. Rockman had me set up with a home health company in order to monitor my contractions. Two nurses came to our house this afternoon and showed Sam and I how to work the machine. I describe it as OnStar for my uterus. Once a day, I strap myself to it for an hour and it measures to see if I'm having contractions. It sends a report to the call center, where the info. is analyzed and I get a call back with the results. If I begin to feel contractions during the day, I strap myself to it and call the call center to let them know I'm sending in a report. It is so incredibly reassuring to know that I have access to this 24/7. As it turns out, Sam will be the one to give me the weekly injections of the 17 alphahydroxyprogesterone (17 P), which is what will hopefully prevent me from going into labor again. I'll be taking the injection weekly until 36 weeks, or until she is born. Since I've had my shot for this week, the nurse will come back Monday evening to show Sam how to do the shot from here on out. I've read studies on the 17 P, and of course you can find pros and cons for everything, but from what I've read, and from what Dr. Rockman says, this injection has proven to help women who experience pre-term labor continue on to carry the baby to term. Dr. Rockman says that at this point we are going for two weeks at a time, since in fetal development, each week is a huge milestone, but we are doing our best to get to at LEAST 36 weeks.

I'm on bedrest until I see the doctor Monday morning and it's driving me crazy! I feel for ladies who are on bedrest for months and months at a time. I'm hoping that he will let me return to work even if it's on a modified schedule or something because I really need the interaction. Sam will be going in to work in the morning and I know it will get lonely. In the end, of course I will do whatever it takes to make sure my precious Bean is healthy, even if that means I am on bedrest for the rest of the pregnancy. Her health is the most important to me and I'll do whatever it takes.

You know, obviously I have loved her with my whole heart, and I have since the day I found out I was pregnant, but this experience has increased my love for her exponentionally. I can't imagine my life without my little girl and it's really bothering me that my body is not cooperating. Everything indicates that she is completely healthy and doing great, and here my body is trying to push her out! It's the most frustrating experience because it's my body, but have ZERO control over it. I have faith that everything will be fine though, and that Christina will be just fine. The medication seems to be working and I'm just trying to take things one day at a time. Please continue with the prayers and positive thoughts because they work!

Stressful Day

Well, I've been having all kinds of things going on for the past few days and this morning I was feeling much worse. I was only at work for about an hour and it got to the point where it seriously hurt to walk. I've been having that issue for a few days now, but this morning it got really bad so I left work and went in to see the doctor. He checked me out and had an ultrasound tech. paged from the hospital to check to see what was going on. Bean is just fine at this point.....she was mule kicking me away while we were doing the ultrasound and it was so funny to see. The doctor came back to talk to me and told me that my cervix is thinning and I'm experiencing pre-term labor. He gave me a shot to help stop it, but apparently, the shot makes the pains worse before it makes them better. Lovely. Let me just say it's not the most comfortable experience, but whatever it takes to keep my baby girl in there longer is worth it. I'm to stay home for the next two days and do NOTHING. I go back Wednesday for another check and I'll be doing the shots weekly to keep the labor away as much as possible. Needless to say I'm terrified, but I'm trying my best to stay calm because stressing is not good for me, and most importantly, it's not good for Bean. My doctor was very confident that since we caught this early, I'll be able to carry her to term as long as I continue the shots. Oh Bean......mommy loves you so very much. I'll do everything in my power to keep you safe and sound in there until it's time.

25 weeks 4 days

Oh my goodness! Time is FLYING!!!! I just realized the irony behind that statement......some days it feels like this will never end. I feel so uncomfortable and then some all knowing idiot feels the need to point out the obvious by saying "and you still have ALL summer to go!" Gee, thanks, like I haven't already thought about that one. Other days I feel like the time has flown by and I'm just wishing for more time to prepare for my precious baby girl.

Sam and I started the nursery yesterday. Well, really it was Sam who did all of the work because I kept having to take brakes. I honestly don't know what I would do without him. He is just amazing. Enough about him though - this is about the nursery! We have decided on a very light, not in-your- face shade of pink. We are going to do chocolate brown trim around her crib and then paint the inside of the window frame chocolate brown. It sounds terrible, but believe me, it will be cute! I got a call from my mother today and she told me that she has started working on the crib and bassinet. We are using the same crib and bassinet my sister and I used as babies and I can't wait to get it all set up in our Christina's room. It's in awesome shape and it's all chocolate brown wood. Sometimes I go up into the nursery and I play with her little clothes and imagine her wearing them. I can't believe I'm actually getting a room in my home ready for our child! It's the most surreal feeling in the world for me, especially since I have been told for so long that this would never happen for us. I am so amazed at what is about to happen. This is our inspiration for her nursery, but we will not be doing the polka dots even though I think they are adorable. We will be doing the trim, the initials, and some type of stencil.

I took a spill about two weeks ago at lunch, but luckily nothing was hurt (most importantly Christina) except my pride. I was wearing some cute strappy sandals with a slight heal and I slid on a laminate floor at BJ's when I went to lunch with some co-workers. I landed on my butt, but one leg went straight out and the other leg went behind me in a pseudo split maneuver. I was instantly sore, but figured I was ok since I landed on my behind as opposed to my stomach or side. My co-workers were insisting I call the doctor and my mother of course freaked out and insisted I call so I did the next day. The doctor said that at this point in the pregnancy, any fall regardless of where I land needs to be checked out, so he had me come in for an ultrasound. They basically did the entire 20 week ultrasound all over again where they check everything from the brain to the tippy tip toes and she was strong as a horse. She was moving all around and they checked again to make sure she was still our baby girl instead of a boy. Phew! She's still a girl! I was checked to make sure I wasn't dilating and everything was just fine. Dr. Rockman said that he is going to start taking it two weeks at a time in order to see if I need to stop working, but I'm doing my best to keep working up until I deliver. We'll see how that goes though.

I'm not sure if I mentioned this in a previous blog, but Sam surprised us one evening with a pack n play for the Princess. He could not have chosen a girlier one, but we love it! It's in her nursery right now, but when she arrives we'll have it downstairs for her.

So, all in all, we are doing great and we're just plugging along. I'm getting anxious thinking about her actual birthday, but there is no way around it. I was talking to Sam the other night and I told him that I'm really starting to get anxious about it because it's not like if you happen to get hurt and then have to go to the hospital. It's something you know is coming, something you know is going to be the worst pain ever, and there is absolutely no way to avoid it. He pointed out that unlike other surprise hospital trips though, we will get to go home with baby we never thought we would be able to have. He's right.....it's worth it.

By the way, Christina is now roughly the size of a rutabega!

22 Weeks 2 Days

I got a call from Dr. Rockman's office yesterday evening saying he wouldn't be in next Friday so I needed to reschedule my appointment. As it was, I was supposed to go in this week for my checkup, but had to reschedule because I've been trapped in a training all week long. Well, lucky for us, he had an opening this afternoon, which was perfect because I had a slight scare Thursday.

We went in today and heard Christina's heart beat and got a clean bill of health for both of us! My cervix is completely closed and I'm not dialating *phew*. Christina's heartbeat was 150 bpm, which is great, and Dr. Rockman says that she's weighing in at about a pound and a half! Mommy's chunky monkey! I have a very mild infection, but nothing a little pill won't cure. I have gained a total of 11 pounds and even though I was concerned about that, the Dr. says that I'm fine so I guess I'm ok with it.

I killed some time this afternoon on my way to go get Sam for the appointment. I stopped in at a resale shop for baby and children's clothes and picked her up some onesies and sleepers. OMG they are adorable! I washed them when I got home and they are now hanging in her closet just waiting for her. I need to really get a move on getting things ready for her. I don't know what the hold up has been, but I'm starting to get anxious about getting everything done for her. I am waiting for her bedding to come in so I can decide for sure what color I'm going with for paint. The bedding is a pink with chocolate brown trim, but I can't remember now what shade of pink. Ha! Pink! Who would have thought that pink would catch my eye like it has been. Katherine, you were sooooo right! I still need to get her more clothes (girls can never have enough clothes), bath stuff, all kinds of stuff! I'm sure like most FTM's, I keep looking at the shelves at Babies R Us and I can't make heads or tails about what I need and what I don't need.

Sam's Grandma Hill sent her a white crochet dress and matching bonnet this week. It is the most precious thing I have ever seen! We have decided that it will be her coming home outfit.

Christina has been moving around so much these past few days. I can't believe how fast this pregnancy is going! I am cherishing this time when we are one in the same, and I can't help but wonder if I'll be sad when she's out here in the world. I can't believe I am having a baby! After everything we have been through and now this is really happening!

Cristina is getting a gift today!

Sam just got back from Tulsa last night, and since our anniversary was Tuesday we are going to celebrate it today. Our gift to each other this year - a pack n play for Baby Cristina! haha.....my how things change, right? We'll go looking around today to see what we find. We are going to Taste of Texas for a steak dinner and we are looking forward to it. mmmmm.......all I can think about it steak right now!

Cristina is doing well this week. She is very active and I'm convinced I grew over last weekend. Today is 20 weeks 3 days and according to Babycenter she is the length of a banana now.

Bean is a............

Beautiful and healthy baby GIRL!!!!

I should have updated this blog when we found out last week, but my life has been so crazy lately and I'm running on empty these days. So, rewinding to last week........

Our Moment of Truth

I usually get freaked out about a week before an ultrasound because I'm completely consumed with worry about how my baby is doing in there. I started feeling random flutters a few weeks ago, but nothing consistent and days would go by before I would feel anything. Ultrasound days are so precious because I feel like it's our time to visit with our baby. We see our baby on the screen and watch her move. We hear the heartbeat and talk to her. We tell her we love her and we dream about the day when we will hold her in our arms. How do you explain a love you feel for someone you have never even met? It's the most amazing feeling to see your baby, a piece of you and the person you love right there. So close. Literally a part of you.

We arrived early like we always do and waited in the lobby to get called back. Dr. Rockman was at the hospital delivering not one, but two babies so we were prepared to wait a while. The ultrasound tech called us back to do the ultrasound and this is where we were finally able to give our baby her name. After measuring all of her organs starting with her brain, going to her heart, her kidneys, all the way down to the tip tippy toes, we were told that everything looks great. The tech. asked if we wanted to know Bean's sex at which point Sam pipes up with zero hesitation "Yes!". At first it looked like we wouldn't be able to tell because Bean is incredibly modest. After jiggling my tummy, which I must say was a little embarassing, the tech announced "It's a girl!" We were stunned. I mean, we were completely aware at the fact that we have a 50/50 chance of either, just hearing that Bean was a baby girl was amazing. Even better was hearing that she is completely healthy. I stared at my baby girl and tears filled my eyes. My daughter was right there! So close I could almost reach out and touch her. I'm not sure how many times I told her "I love you, Cristina!" "Mommy loves you so very much!" Sam just kept asking over and over "She's ok, right" "She's healthy, right?" He just needed to hear that his baby girl was just fine. To date, along with the day we found out we are going to be parents, that was the most defining moment of my life. It was a point in time where everything we have been through to become parents came together and made sense.

So, Bean now has an identity of her very own. Her grandparents on both sides are thrilled, her aunts are so proud, her parents are eager to welcome her home. Needless to say, my mother and I have gone nuts buying pink, a color I have always hated. For some reason though, everything I've ever thought in the past is somehow different. I am struggling with the need to provide the very best for my daughter, but trying to figure out what the best really is. I'm a first time mom and I'm so scared that I'll do something wrong or mess something up. I am so thankful for my friends who are moms and for my own mother passing down their wisdom and support. It means more than these ladies, my friends and family will ever know. It's almost like a right of passage of their own. They have gone from being first time mommies to passing down all of their knowledge. It's amazing to see.

Baby Cristina Marie

We have decided that our daughter will be named Cristina Marie in honor of my sister and my mother in law. My sister's name is Cristina and Sam's mother's name was Tina Marie. I'm thinking we may spell her first name with an "h" (Christina) since it's more common, but my sister's name is not spelled with an "h" so it's very difficult for me to add it in there. We'll see.

How Mommy Is Doing at 19 weeks 4 days

I'm FINALLY feeling pregnant! The aches and pains have begun and Cristina has been constantly moving for the past three days now and I feel her on and off throughout the day. So far nothing more than fluttering around, but it's deffinetly there. She even woke me up the other night with her movement. Sam and I are looking forward to the day when he will feel her moving around from the outside, but for now it's just something she and I share. We both realize that we will have to include Daddy in this soon, but it's just nice having this special time with her right now.

I'm noticing that my hips are sore because I'm sure they are spreading now and my back hurts if I sit, stand, walk, or lay down for too long. Pretty much all the time. I get tired easily and it takes every ounce of energy I have to make it through the work day without a nap. I've decided that I'll start bringing my lunch to work with me and scarfing it down and then spend the second half of my lunch taking a quick cat nap to see if that helps. I live for the weekends when I can laze around and take my naps throughout the day and I hate when I have something to do on a weekend that gets in the way of my napping. Sam has been absolutely amazing and I couldn't have asked for a better father for my child. He makes dinner and cleans every single night without fail. He is such an amazing man and I can't wait to see him interact with our daughter. I'm seeing a side in him that is making me fall in love with him even deeper than before. I'm finding Cristina consumes all of my thoughts these days. She's all I think about and all I talk about. I'm sure people get tired of hearing about it, but I honestly don't care. She's all I can focus on at this point. I can't believe that Wednesday will be 20 weeks already! The half-way point! Where does the time go? I'm finding that I'm thinking more and more about Cristina's birthday and I'm very anxious about it. It's terrifying to me, but all that matters is that she's ok and I'll do whatever it takes to make sure she is.

Babycenter says......
That she is the size of a heirloom tomato and weight 8.5 ounces. By Wednesday she'll be as big as a banana! That's a lot of growth in one week!

Bean's First Set Of Wheels

So I've been researching all of my options as far as strollers go and I finally decided on the Phil and Ted's Sport stroller. Christy and I went to Rice Village yesterday to check out all of the fancy shmancy baby stores and we got to take a look at the stroller in person and I was pretty much sold on it. Bean can use it from newborn until 55 pounds. It's super sturdy and it folds small enough to fit into my mustang even. It's not bulky like the travel systems and it can go on any surface with no problems at all. The best part is that if we have another little one anytime while Bean is still using the stroller, we can add a tandem seat and have a double stroller instead of the side by side ones that are so hard to manuver around the stores. I LOVE THIS STROLLER!

I told Sam about it last night and it took a little convincing once he found out the price of it. Let's just say that Sam is "thrifty" most times. Anyway, he decided that we would get it, at which point I threw a fit because I thought he was just giving in to whateve I wanted instead of having as stong of an opinion as I did about it. Needless to say it was a LONG morning going back and forth about it. We finally headed back up to Rice Village to pick up Bean's wheels and we both love it! I can't believe my precious baby will be sitting in it in a matter of months! Anyway, I've included a picture of the Phil and Ted's, but the one we got is black. WOOHOO!!!! Now I just have to buy the car seat, pack and play, and breast pump and I think that will be all of my big ticket purchases. Then I can focus on decorating the nursury and buying clothes for my precious bambino.

My First Prenatal Massage

OMG it was amazing!!!! I was a little apprehensive at first because I've heard there are certain pressure points on your body that need to be left alone while you are pregnant because they can cause early contractions. I was also nervous about it when because even though my doctor gave me the green light for massage in my first trimester, Massage Envy made me wait until I was in my second trimester before they would schedule me for the massage. The good thing about that is that I'm a member so I racked up three free massages waiting for the time when I could finally go in. WOOHOO!!!!

So I went in today and met my new massage therapist. Andrea, the therapist I was going to has moved to another location and she's not certified in prenatal massage anyway. Rita was great! She answered all of my questions and totally put me at ease before she started. She made sure I was absolutely comfortable and it was heaven! I was the most relaxed I have been in months and I can't wait to go back in two weeks!

Phew!

I had my first real scare with this pregnancy yesterday. I had a very quick sharp cramp on my right side that lasted about a second or two. The rest of the morning I was having constant light cramping. Finally around lunch time I got sick of it and called the doctor's office expecting them to tell me over the phone that it's perfectly normal and not to worry. I must have been on hold for hours (slight exaggeration on my part). Finally, the receptionist comes back on the line to tell me to go in to the office in two hours for an ultrasound. I'm freaking out at this point wondering what could be going on. The whole time I was actually cussing myself out for having a cough drop that morning without first running it by my doctor. I was convinced the cough suppressant in the cough drop was poisonous to my baby Bean or something.

I got to the doctor's office about 1:00 and had to wait an hour for the ultrasound tech to get there. OMG I don't think the woman could have been a bigger bitch, but that's totally beside the point. She did the ultrasound and there was my Bean all nice and comfy looking in there taking a cat nap. The tech started moving my tummy around and poking and Bean woke up, waved, put his/her thumb in his/her mouth and went back to sleep. Seriously, it was the most adorable thing I have ever seen in my life! We have something in common! We both don't like to have our naps disturbed. Love it! Anyway, she looked all around at all my inside parts and said that everything was fine. We heard Bean's strong heartbeat and she said that the baby was great.

So, at the end of the day my doctor said that my uterus is just stretching and that's why I was feeling crampy. DOH! I felt silly for a while there, but all my awesome mommy friends have been quick to reassure me that I did the right thing in calling and going in. All I can say is that I'm so happy that that's all it was and my little Bean is all safe and snug in there. The doctor said to keep our appointment for April 9 so we can find out if Bean is a boy or a girl. Hopefully the baby is not as modest as he/she was yesterday or we'll never find out!

Shopping for Baby Hill

Sam and I went shopping for Bean today and I have to say that it was overwhelming to say the least! We started out at Wal-Mart and then we headed over to Babies R Us. I can't believe that something so seemingly simple as bottles has me so confused that I can't make heads or tails of it all! Glass vs. plastic, bottles that use plastic drop ins, plastic bags vs. plastic tubes for freezing breast milk, oh my goodness! Where do I start? I decided to just wait until next weekend when I go shopping with my mom so she can give me the low down on everything. UGH!!!! I need my mommy!!! haha.....

So, we ended up buying a changing table mattress and some water proof pad for it. We are using a dresser we have as the changing table because it will provide tons of storage with all the drawers. We noticed that that's what the changing tables basically are these days because they are made to convert into dressers further down the road. We are going to sand it down and re-stain it. The changing pad has two straps that drill into the back of the dresser to keep in in place. Once we find out the sex of little Bean, we can go further with buying all of the sheets, the crib and bassinetted sets and all of that great stuff. We are using my crib and bassinette that I used as a baby. Everything is going to be gorgeous!

Baby Hill Update

Sam and I went in for our second doctor's appointment today at 13 weeks 2 days and it went very well. We were able to ask all of our questions and we were reassured by all of the things the doctor had to say. I've been worried because lately I just don't "feel" pregnant. No all day "morning" sickness, no exhaustion just a little tired. I actually feel better now than I ever felt before I was pregnant! The nurse came in with the doppler and let me hear my baby's heart beat and I instantly felt better. It was like I had this intense need to just hear my baby. I don't think I could have gone another month without hearing that beautiful sound. As soon as I heard it, my world was right again. My baby and I are both healthy and my doctor told me over and over to enjoy the fact that this pregnancy has gone so well. Now that I know that the love of my life is safe and snug in there I'll be able to do just that. Our next appointment is scheduled April 9, and if Bean cooperates, we'll be able to find out if Bean is a boy or a girl. I can't wait to see all of the changes Bean has gone through!

Sam and I are going to go shopping tomorrow for a few things. Sam is completely against gender neutral clothing in greens and yellows and I can't figure it out. I figure we can get bath stuff and whatever else we can find. I still haven't decided if I'll do cloth diapers or not, but even if I do, I'm sure I'll use disposable when we go places so I guess I could start picking up diapers in different sizes.

You know, I never dreamed that I would fall in love with someone I have never even met. How can I love this little person so very much? I feel like I want this pregnancy to last forever simply because I know that my baby and I are the closest now that we will ever be again. We are literally one in the same at this point, and I know that once my baby is born, I will never be able to protect him/her as much as I feel like I can right now. Of course I can't wait to meet and hold my precious baby. I can't wait to see the person he/she becomes. I have so many hopes and dreams for this baby and I hope that he/she never ever questions how much they are loved and wanted.

I'm So Anxious!

I can't seem to stop worrying and it's driving me crazy! My next doctor's appointment is scheduled for this Friday, and all I can think about is my baby being ok. I haven't experienced anything that would make me feel otherwise, but I have this anxiety about what the doctor is going to say. I'm a member of the babycenter message board, and for the most part I love it, but every once in a while a post shows up where someone is having to leave the group because they have received bad news about their pregnancies. I keep telling myself that I need to stay positive, but it's really hard for someone as controlling as I tend to be to just let the most important part of my life be left up to fate. There is this part of me that is so positive and sure about everything. That part of me keeps trying to scream louder than the part of me who is so terrified. UGH!!!

Sam had this idea in his head that we were going to wait until March 21 to buy anything for the baby. For whatever reason, he felt safe with that date. Now all of a sudden he's wanting to buy little things for the baby today and I'm so happy about that! I just feel like I need something tangible to connect me to the baby. All of this still seems so abstract to me. Anyway, hopefully I'll be able to find some way to relax and not worry so much. I find that hard to believe, but I can always hope, right?

12 Weeks Today!!!!

Today officially marks 12 weeks and I'm thrilled! I feel like this is some kind of a milestone for us and I feel so happy right now. My next doctor's appointment is scheduled next Friday morning and I'm so anxious to hear my baby's heartbeat. It truely is the most beautiful sound I have ever heard and I'm so ready to hear it again! According to babycenter.com, my baby is the size of a lime now. Funny thing is that every time I think of my baby, I think of a lime first. How crazy is that? I have not had too much of a problem with "morning" sickness, but I've been nauseous off and on. I got horribly sick yesterday morning and that lasted all day. Needless to say, I was misearable. It made it so much worse that I've been having to sit through a BORING certification training all week and I felt trapped. Sick and trapped. It was aweful. This morning I was sick again, but I managed to work through it and I felt fine once I got going. Hopefully it goes away completely very soon.

By the way, I have to acknowledge the fact that I have the most amazing husband anyone could ask for. He has done an awesome job at taking over all of the cooking and cleaning, not to mention babysitting me. I can't believe it how lucky I am! I told him the other day that there is no other person I would ever want to have a baby with. He's going to be an amazing father and I can't wait to experience this with him!

Why Can't I Sleep?

So, for the past three days I have been waking up at 3:00 am having to visit the ladies room and eat! Seems crazy that my driving forces in life revolve around the bathroom and the kitchen these days. I've been very good about eating pretty well for the most part, although yesterday I gave into my sweet tooth and indulged in a piece a cheese cake, a rootbeer float, and a caramel apple. I vow NEVER to do that again, pregnant or not pregnant! My goal for the next seven months is to eat as healthy as humanly possible. I totally get that a) I'm NOT eating for two adults, and b) what I put into my body matters more now than ever before.

So far my body has been wanting all fruit the entire time. I find it difficult to eat chicken at all, and I'm not eating nearly as much beef as I usually do. Guess I just don't want it right now. My meals consist mostly of oatmeal and tons and tons of fruit. I'm assuming that's a good thing, but I'll have to ask the doctor just in case I need to modify my diet. I'm finding that snacking several times through out the day does help with nausia, which has been great, but nothing stops the sickness in the evening time. I'm pretty much out of commission from about 6:30 on, which I think contributes to the fact that I'm up at 3 am. awwww.........the joys of pregnancy. It's all so very worth it in the end though!

We Are Going To Be Parents!

That's right! We found out last Thursday that we are going to be parents in September! 09-09-09 to be exact (we'll see what the baby decides though). I have been feeling "partly cloudy" for a while and I finally decided to take a home pregnancy test on Super Bowl Sunday. The sucker was positive before I even put the cap back on! I took another the same evening and got the same results. I took another Monday morning and it was still positive! At this point I'm thinking that there is a pretty good chance that I'm pregnant, so I made an appointment with an OB-GYN that I chose blindly from my list of docs. on my insurance company's website. They only do ultrasounds on Mondays and Thursdays so I had to wait three agonizing days until I could see him. In the meantime, I took a fourth test and woohoo! Still positive! Things are looking pretty good by this point.

Sam and I arrive at the doctor bright and early last Thursday and they took us back for the ultrasound. As soon as the ultrasound tech put the want on my tummy our beautiful bean popped up on the screen. We must have startled him/her because his/her arms and legs were waving all around. We heard the heart beat and that was music to our ears! I've never shared a more amazing moment with my husband than that very moment. There was our little miracle baby right there on the monitor. Truely a dream come true.

Turns out I REALLY like Dr. Rockman. According to him, our baby is healthy and right on track for a pregnancy at that stage. At that point I was 9 weeks 1 day. I am now 10 weeks 4 days and my next appointment isn't until March 6. I'm seriously considering renting one of those dopplers so I can hear the heart beat in between appointments. We'll see.

Stay tuned for updates, rantings, and pictures!